203: Jamie Oliver is Batman.

Batman: The After Dark Knight

Why Batman only fights crime at night:

• Because baddies have day jobs
• Because the flames that come out of the batmobile look cooler at night
• Because bats are nocturnal, and he didn’t want anyone to question the logic of his name
• But mostly, to avoid getting a lower face tan.

The Zombie Weight Loss Program

Step 1: get bitten by a zombie
Step 2: only eat lean meats (e.g., brains)
Step 3: go walking, all day and all night, and never stop
Step 4: watch your decomposing weight fall off right before your eyes.

Jamie Oliver’s 7 and a half minute meals

After the success of 30 minute meals and 15 minute meals, Jamie Oliver is back to break the cooking land speed record again. First, you have to get into the 7 and a half minute meal mindset by pulling out something you prepared earlier, for example, leftovers or a microwave meal that you can buy from almost any corner shop. Second, bang it in the microwave, 7 minutes is plenty to reheat anything. Third, plate it up in your remaining 30 seconds, and wallah, there you have it, a delicious, home heated up meal on the table within 7 and a half minutes.

202: Imperial Stout

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
It was a time when real men drank dark beer,
And blonde lager was nothing more than a fair-haired spaceport whore,
And the best variety of dark beer was imperial stout,
And the best imperial stout was Imperial Stout.

Embrace the Dark Side of the Beer.

Sugary water and oxygen leads to yeast,
Yeast leads to fermentation,
And fermentation leads to beer.

Your father, was seduced by the Dark Side of the Beer. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and “became” Drunk Vader.

201: Chinese Bladder Poetry.

Chinese Kisses
The game is pretty simple. Everyone sits in a circle, and it begins with a peck on the cheek. By the time it comes around again it’s something completely different.

Snakes and Bladders
Step 1: play snakes and ladders.
Step 2: take shots of beer, or other liquid of your choice, equal to your dice roll.
Step 3: you’re not allowed to go to the toilet til you make it to the end of the board.

Rap vs Poetry
Rap is just smack talk poetry,
By egotistical boys who disagree,
About their level of street credibility,
Dishing out burns of the third degree,
No regard for who’s hurt by the debris,
Til one’s the winner by the crowd’s decree,
But this gangster wordplay ain’t the life for me,
Swap the popping caps for pleasantries,
Sitting on the porch with some books and tea,
Much more enjoyable I can guarantee.