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Posts Tagged ‘star wars’

202: Imperial Stout

In Season 2 on January 3, 2013 at 4:54 pm

imperal stout

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
It was a time when real men drank dark beer,
And blonde lager was nothing more than a fair-haired spaceport whore,
And the best variety of dark beer was imperial stout,
And the best imperial stout was Imperial Stout.

Embrace the Dark Side of the Beer.

Sugary water and oxygen leads to yeast,
Yeast leads to fermentation,
And fermentation leads to beer.

Your father, was seduced by the Dark Side of the Beer. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and “became” Drunk Vader.

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110: Situations Where Force Powers Won’t Help You In Real Life.

In Season 1 on February 1, 2011 at 10:38 am

Like many Star Wars fans, there is a little part of me that thinks it would be the coolest thing ever if Star Wars was real. But in a world where we must settle for metal swords and ships that are confined to bodies of water, there are glimmers of hope that let us at least imagine what it would be like. The only reason I bought a Wii was in the hope for a lightsaber dueling game. I’d wager half of Wii owners bought it for this same reason. The remote even looks like a lightsaber hilt, if you spray paint it gray and squint.

But in my daydreams where I am a Jedi Knight, I couldn’t help but see a couple of flaws in the fantasy that real life was like Star Wars. Namely a couple of situations where force powers wouldn’t help in real life.

When trying to get a girls number. (Another unsuccessful night on the force pull).

When you don’t realise the door says pull. (Why isn’t force push working).

When you don’t perform in bed. (When is Yoda going to teach you force slow?).

When your phone battery dies while you are out shopping. (Force lightning is DC, and you need an AC current to charge your battery).

When your girlfriend gets pregnant. (I don’t know how this happened, honey I swear I used force protection when we did it).