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107: KFC Killer Fried Chicken

In Season 1 on January 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Alcohol, ice, heroin, ecstasy. Just a few of the substances that are putting our youths in danger. Now there is yet another substance to be added to that list. KFC. That’s right, the once family friendly restaurant is now the source of the latest thrill seeking behaviour of modern day youths.

How did KFC gain such a reputation? Ever since a news story went public about a young girl that got salmonella poisoning, and subsequently got crippling brain damage, youths have been flocking to KFC’s around Australia to take their chances in this Kentucky Roulette.

KFC dealers caught doing business on the street.

KFC is setting the new standard for hardcore. Drugs and alcohol are child’s play. Taking the chance of permanent brain damage from a single KFC meal, that’s the new radcore.” A local KFC user.

This is being a growing problem with many youths hanging out in and around the once family friendly restaurants. Hungry Jacks, a restaurant that once thrived on teenage angst, is now down 46% in business since KFC became a hit in the teenage angst scene. Experts suggest that if Hungry Jack’s can’t match brain damage soon they will start to lose street cred.

Family groups are outraged at this latest case of substance abuse. A spokesman for FSTTLA, Family’s Supporting Teenagers to Lower Angst, released this statement yesterday.

Quite frankly we are shocked and appauled that parents and carers are actually funding their child’s KFC habit. As parents we should be uniting to fight against the sources of angst in our teenagers, such as failure at school, failure at love, failure at casual jobs, failure at skateboarding and brain damage. We will be holding counseling sessions for families whose teenagers are in the grips of KFC, where we will provide quitting strategies and how to reintroduce our teenagers to Hungry Jacks.”

The girl who unknowningly started this craze that turned into yet another downward spiral for Australia’s youth released this statement today.

I never meant for this to happen. All I wanted that a Twister with two delicious 100% breast fillet Crispy Strips and fresh salad topped with pepper mayo all wrapped in a soft warm tortilla. I never wanted brain damage, or to be radcore.”

For all the concerned parents out there I have included the official world health organization’s guide for how to spot if your child is taking KFC.

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