Popculture zombies are the exact opposite of vampires. Vampires are fast, intelligent and sexy. Whereas zombies are slow, retarded and for all intensive purposes, unsexy. But I would like to argue that zombies would make the perfect boyfriends. Yes, they don’t look like Brad Pitt. And yes, they probably don’t have the cognitive ability to remember your anniversary. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t settle for one.
For starters they’ll never interrupt you when you’re talking about your day.
They will stare at your head area, rather than at your breasts.
Sports are too complicated for zombies to understand. So they are quite happy to watch the latest episode of The Hills with you.
They are bragable lovers, because their blood doesn’t serve any other purpose.
Because dangerous guys are attractive. It’s like having a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle, only more dangerous. Hence, more attractive.
They don’t talk back in an argument. Partly cause they can’t talk, and partly cause they love you.
And you’ve always wanted a man who doesn’t just love you for your body, but for your brains as well.
